Co-regulation is the warm, responsive support that parents, educators, and caregivers give a child to help them understand and manage their emotions and behavior. Through modeling, a calm tone, and consistent comfort, adults help children build the skills they need to self-regulate over time.
If you’re a parent or early childhood educator, you likely already know the importance of self-regulation for young children. Emotional self-regulation isn’t only an early indicator of academic readiness; it allows children to regulate their feelings and expressions healthily and adapt to social expectations.
But like other skills, young children need support and guidance from their caretakers to develop proper self-regulation techniques. That’s why the process of co-regulation is equally as important in early childhood development.
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What is co-regulation and why is it important?
Co-regulation in early childhood is when parents or caregivers provide children with supportive and responsive interactions that help them model appropriate behavior and self-soothe in times of stress. The Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation at the U.S. Administration for Children and Families describes it as the supportive process between caring adults and children that fosters self-regulation development (Rosanbalm & Murray, Co-Regulation From Birth Through Young Adulthood: A Practice Brief).
This can look like modeling and describing certain facial expressions that relay happiness, sadness, or other emotions. It can include using a quiet or moderate tone to keep things calm when children are sad or angry. It can even be hugging children to help them feel safe and loved when they’re scared or hurt.
The process of co-regulation is vital because it lays the groundwork for children to develop positive self-regulation skills as they get older, which have been linked to better physical and mental health, improved academic performance, and even higher socioeconomic success later in life.
Self-regulation vs. co-regulation: What is the difference?
Self-regulation is a child managing their own emotions and behavior independently, while co-regulation is the support an adult provides while the child builds that ability. The table below compares the two at a glance.
| Feature | Co-regulation | Self-regulation |
|---|---|---|
| Who does the work | An adult and a child together | The child independently |
| Role of the adult | Models, soothes, and coaches | Observes and offers support only when needed |
| When it develops | Begins in infancy and continues through early childhood | Builds gradually from infancy through young adulthood |
| Example | A teacher breathes slowly alongside an upset child | A child takes deep breaths on their own after losing a game |
| Goal | Build the foundation for emotional skills | Manage emotions and behavior independently |
The relationship between self-regulation and co-regulation in early child development is similar to any other skills or abilities children learn from their parents, educators, or caregivers. While self-regulation is the ultimate goal, co-regulation encompasses all the lessons and practice children need to learn a particular skill.
Take reading, for example. While understanding and comprehending text is the goal for children, they can’t reach this goal without their caregivers modeling other important skills that lay the foundation for mastering reading, like oral language, alphabet knowledge, print awareness, and phonological or phonemic awareness.
In the same way, co-regulation lays the foundation for self-regulation. Co-regulation starts in infancy, as children learn to trust their parents or primary caregiver to keep them safe and healthy. As children grow, they learn how to communicate and manage their feelings based on their parents’ or guardians’ responses to negative emotions, and in daycare or preschool settings, they learn how to get along with their peers and manage their feelings around being in a new environment and learning new things.
Co-regulation by age
Co-regulation looks different at each stage of early childhood because adults adjust how much support they give to match a child’s needs and cues. ZERO TO THREE recommends that caregivers pay attention and respond to each child’s individual cues.
| Age group | What co-regulation looks like | Example |
|---|---|---|
| Infants | Responding quickly and consistently to cues | Soothing a crying infant with a calm voice and gentle touch |
| Toddlers | Naming feelings and offering comfort | Saying “You’re frustrated” and offering a favorite stuffed animal |
| Preschoolers | Modeling coping strategies and talking through emotions | Taking deep breaths together, then discussing what happened |
Co-regulation techniques for the classroom
As children learn self-regulation from their parents or educators, there will often be times of dysregulation, or the inability for a child to control or regulate their emotions in an acceptable way. These poorly regulated emotional responses can involve sadness, anger, and frustration and look like severe mood swings, feeling emotions intensely or for long periods of time, or at inappropriate times.
As an educator, it’s important to utilize co-regulation techniques in the classroom to help children see and understand healthier and more appropriate ways to manage their emotions when upset.
Practice deep breathing exercises
Slow, thoughtful breathing can effectively help children reduce anxiety, improve focus, and enhance their emotions. Teach children how to take deep breaths by inhaling through their noses and exhaling out through their mouths. Then, have them practice taking slow, deep breaths—they can do this quietly as a group or as a game where they walk around the classroom, inhaling when they start and exhaling when they reach their destination. Show children how to use deep breathing whenever they are feeling upset.
Create a quiet area
When outbursts occur, it’s important to help de-escalate the situation quickly and healthily. While it might seem natural to scold a child for acting out, negative language can actually hinder the co-regulation process and prolong the child’s dysregulation. One technique educators can use is to create a quiet space where you and the child can go together and sit calmly and silently. This shouldn’t be meant as a punishment but as a chance for you to co-regulate and teach them how to reflect on their reactions and de-escalate their negative emotions.
Go outside
Going outdoors can be a great way to co-regulate and help children decompress from sensory overload in the classroom. Sometimes, a little bit of fresh air can go a long way.
Use toys to teach co-regulation
When teaching healthy self-regulation techniques, using a visual aid like a child’s favorite toy or stuffed animal can go a long way. The toys can model body language or actions that children take when they’re feeling angry or upset and teach children the emotional vocabulary they need to express how they’re feeling.
Use basic demonstrations
It seems obvious, but demonstrating healthy ways to react to negative emotions is the easiest way to co-regulate with young children. Show how you look when feeling sad, angry, or scared. Then, show them appropriate ways to react in times of stress, like by taking deep breaths, going to a designated quiet area, or expressing their feelings verbally in a respectful manner. You can even turn these lessons into a game like “Simon Says” by modeling appropriate self-regulation and having children repeat your actions.
How to promote self-regulation in the classroom
Promoting self-regulation in the classroom is important for early childhood educators, as it can help decrease feelings of anxiety and shame tied to uncontrollable emotions and teach children how to cope within social settings and relationships.
Educators can use several emotional self-regulation strategies to teach children how to properly manage their feelings in the classroom. For example, you can:
- Discuss classroom expectations for practicing kindness and keeping each other safe
- Start each day by checking in with children on how they’re feeling
- Create calming spaces in the classroom for children to use when they’re feeling overwhelmed
- Create social stories to teach and model positive behaviors
If you, or the educators in your facility, are looking for ways to incorporate self-regulation lessons into daily routines, brightwheel’s lesson plan feature enables you to create custom childcare lesson plans, log observations, perform assessments, and share progress with families, all from a single platform. It’s an all-in-one solution to help you save time and stay organized.
Preschool Daily Sheet
Record calming strategies and share them with families using this free preschool daily sheet.
Co-regulation FAQs
What is co-regulation in child development?
Co-regulation is the warm, responsive support that parents, educators, and caregivers give a child to help them understand and manage their emotions and behavior. Through modeling, a calm tone, and consistent comfort, adults help children build the skills they need to self-regulate over time.
What is the difference between co-regulation and self-regulation?
Co-regulation is emotional support shared between an adult and a child, while self-regulation is a child managing their own emotions independently. Co-regulation comes first and lays the foundation for self-regulation.
What are examples of co-regulation in the classroom?
Examples of co-regulation in the classroom include practicing deep breathing together, creating a quiet area where an educator sits calmly with an upset child, going outside to decompress, using a favorite toy to model feelings, and demonstrating healthy reactions to sadness, anger, or fear.
When do children develop self-regulation?
Self-regulation develops gradually from infancy through young adulthood. Throughout early childhood, children rely on responsive adults to co-regulate with them while they build these skills.
How can childcare providers support co-regulation?
Childcare providers can support co-regulation by staying calm during outbursts, naming and modeling emotions, offering a quiet space instead of punishment, and checking in with children about their feelings each day.
Conclusion: Why co-regulation matters
Co-regulation is an essential part of early child development. Teaching and modeling appropriate responses to stress, anxiety, fear, sadness, or anger are vital in helping children understand how to manage their emotions and improve their relationships with peers and caregivers. It can also lay the groundwork for improved physical and mental health and even higher academic performance.
